Long time no blog! Again. Seems like every time I get some momentum going, something happens. I am currently struggling with lymphedema, which is a circulation issue in my legs. When I stopped blogging, I had an infection, and the pain was so great that I was having a hard time thinking. It's much better now but still will require long-term treatment. But the good news is the pain is mostly gone and, when it's around, is far more bearable now.
So, it's time to get into the review that I know everyone has been hotly anticipating: 1997's For Richer or Poorer. To say that Tim Allen was red hot in 1997 was an understatement. His smash hit sitcom, Home Improvement, was on its seventh season. In the years prior he had dipped into feature films, starting in the hit The Santa Clause (1994) and voicing Buzz Lightyear in the mega-smash Toy Story (1995). Kirstie Alley was still riding the fame she received as a star on Cheers and was just starting a new sitcom, Veronica's Closet. She also had ventured into successful feature films, including the Look Who's Talking series (1989-1993) and Woody Allen's Deconstructing Harry (1997). Also in a supporting role is Wayne Knight, another huge star in 1997, appearing regularly on one of the biggest shows of the decade, Seinfeld, as well as an important supporting role in the record-breaking Jurassic Park in 1993. For Richer or Poorer has honestly a great core cast and they were all hugely popular at the time of this movie. This movie should have been a huge hit. So why is it only remembered, vaguely, as that Amish movie with Tim Allen on the poster?
The movie starts with the opening credits, "For the Love of Money" by The O'Jays is playing, the most stereotypical song about the rich. We see lots of images of things that rich people do. Like drinking champagne and paying for things with credit cards. There's a really funny bit showing a receipt and one of the items is a $4200 "virtual game." What kind of virtual games existed in 1997, let alone cost $4200? We fade into Wayne Knight being grilled by some IRS agents about potential tax fraud. Next, Allen and Alley are at a party, their 10th Anniversary. Allen takes this as an opportunity to pitch his new real estate development idea, a Biblically themed theme park called... The Holy Land! Complete with a wine bar called "Water into Wine," a burning bush, and a water slide for the "Jewish and Japanese guests" called "Torah! Torah! Torah!" A judge comes up through the crowd only to get her dress caught on fire from the burning bush. Allen puts it out with his glass of wine. If you think she'll come back later in the movie to play an important part, ding ding ding, winner winner chicken dinner!
After the party ends in disaster, Allen and Alley fight in their apartment. She wants a divorce. The marriage is over. The next day, Wayne Knight is trying to get out of the building with boxes of paperwork. Allen calls him into his office to show off some of his new, rich person purchases. Knight gets away and Allen goes to the bank. His accounts are locked. Confused, he calls Knight, who confesses that the IRS is looking into his company for funds misappropriation. Tim the Toolman then gets confronted by some IRS agents. It's from here that we are joined by Larry Miller's character, who is legit the only consistently funny thing in this movie. He plays an IRS agent by way of Dirty Harry, even referencing Harry later in the movie. He carries a gun and the first thing he tries to do when he sees Allen is shoot at him. This prompts Allen to flee the scene in a super awkward foot chase. Allen's business coat is buttoned the whole time while he's running and it looks weird. He steals a cab and accidentally picks up his wife, and they both flee to the country. They wreck the cab and end up in Amish territory.
At this point, I won't bother going into a scene-by-scene breakdown of the rest of the movie, because I guarantee that you know exactly where the plot of this film goes. The two New Yorkers, Allen and Alley, pose as distant cousins to an Amish family, so they can hideout. It's a fish out of water story, as the city folk get used to a lack of indoor plumbing and tolling the fields for the first time. The cousins they are impersonating have well-known skills that they are expected to demonstrate (Allen with horse wrangling and Alley with cross-stitching), to comedic effect. A few jokes are cracked about the Amish, but way fewer than I thought there would be. They keep saying things an Amish person wouldn't normally say, and then say they come from a "liberal order" community. After a couple of weeks of getting up at 5 am and working hard all day, they start to enjoy it because country living is pure and clean and wholesome and blah blah blah. Then they start using their New York skillz to help their new Amish friends (Allen with real estate negotiation and Alley with fashion design) and help change the community for the better. Just when Allen and Alley's marriage starts to get back together, the IRS and a police task force show up.
Conveniently, at that exact same moment, the cousins that Allen and Alley have been impersonating also arrive in the village. So the New Yorkers go to court for their crimes, and their lawyer shows up late. Turns out that Wayne Knight had stolen all the money for himself, has been on the run, and the lawyer just happened to find him in the nick of time. Oh and the courtroom scene has the same judge from earlier, the one Allen threw the wine on at the party. Allen punches Knight in the courtroom, which I'm sure LegalEagle would take points away from for "Legal Realism." The case is thrown out! Allen and Alley are innocent, not only of tax fraud (which they were) but also apparently of stealing a cab and resisting arrest. Okay.
In the last scene, we end up with Allen and Alley returning to the Amish farm to apologize to the family, who they had gotten close with. This leads into another of the few funny parts of the movie, as the Amish dude (Jay O. Sanders, but he LOOKS just like Will Ferrell) smiles and says "You English think you are so smart. You really think we didn't know?" Turns out they figured out that Allen and Alley weren't their cousins pretty quickly, but didn't say anything because it was planting season and they needed the extra help. Absolutely classic, I love it! The movie ends most predictably, with the two New Yorkers giving up their greedy, materialistic, big city way of life to settle down on a farm in the country with their Amish neighbors.
Actual photo of Tim the Toolman reading the script of For Richer or Poorer
Image by Universal Pictures via IMDB
Phew. That was a ride. For Richer or Poorer wasn't as bad as I was expecting, but it wasn't very good, either. It had some high points. The acting isn't bad, on a base level. Everything is well made, visually. You get some of those weird camera angles that 90s movies were known for. I laughed a few times, also. There's a part where Tim Allen says "I know how these people work, I've seen Witness'" and that cracked me up. Everything with Larry Miller and Wayne Knight was gold. The ending, where we find out that the Amish family knew they were imposters all along, but needed the help, I think is a great little twist.
But ultimately, the movie is just boring and forgettable. The plot is almost as by-the-book as you can get. I didn't care about the story, didn't care about any of the characters or their journeys. Allen and Alley have no chemistry, which is fine if they don't love each other, but that's not the path the movie goes. There were a few laughs, but most of the jokes fell flat. And Tim Allen kept trying to do this... slapstick kind of humor. Falling and getting dragged by a horse and the like. Also, he made a lot of these... weird faces throughout the movie. I don't know what he was trying to do, but it isn't funny because I'm not three years old. Some of the comedy seems like it was aimed at young children, but it was rated PG-13 and had swearing in it. So what the hell.
It's like someone told Allen to constantly make faces like he's taking a poop.
Image by Universal Pictures via IMDB
Also, it's TWO HOURS LONG! Why was this so long? You could have trimmed AT LEAST 20 minutes out of this movie, if not a whole 30-40 mins. The part where Allen is running, on foot, from the IRS? Gone. The part where he shows off all his cool, materialistic possessions to Wayne Knight? Gone. The part where Alley feeds Allen lung casserole at the Amish farm? Gone. The Holy Land presentation? Trimmed. See I just saved you like 10-15 minutes, just off the top of my head. You're welcome.
I will give it credit in that it's far less offensive than I was afraid it would be. There are still some tasteless Amish jokes, but there aren't many. Frankly, the most offensive part of the whole thing is the religious theme park idea. I'll admit, I like crass, offensive humor. I love South Park, usually. And when he first unveiled the park concept, I laughed. But then the bit went on and on and on, giving him plenty of time to make fun of Christians, Jews, and the Japanese. And after a while, it went from being funny to not funny to cringy.
The movie opened on December 12, 1997. I wouldn't call this movie a "flop" at the box office, but it did only make back $32.7 million from its budget of $35 million. $35 million? How the hell did this movie cost $35 million to make? How much did Allen and Alley get paid for this? $35 million in 1997 money is almost $62 million in 2022 money. For comparison, The Addams Family had a budget of $30 million. Nothing But Trouble cost $40 million. Jurassic Park was $63 million. All those movies had a bigger cast of stars and tons of elaborate practical or computer effects, you can see that budget cost on the screen. But with For Richer or Poorer, I just don't see where the money went, while watching the movie.
Final Thoughts
I think the most damning thing about For Richer or Poorer is, while I was watching, I realized about 2/3 of the way in that I had seen this movie before and completely forgotten that I had ever watched it. Many many moons ago, I know I must have rented this. The fact that it took me that long to remember should tell you what a lasting impression it had on me. It isn't the worst movie I've ever seen, by a long shot, but it is ultimately forgettable in the end.
But that's just what I thought today. Ask me in a year and I'll be all "What? What movie?" But if you want to see it yourself to form your own equally valid opinions, JustWatch will tell you where it's streaming.
Actual photo of Wayne Knight on the phone with his agent... okay, I think I killed that joke...
Image by Universal Pictures via IMDB
Next time, we're gonna take a step into the 80s and talk about one of the decade's most acclaimed coming-of-age stories, 1986's Stand By Me. Will this Stephen King adaptation live up to the hype? Or will it not be able to stand on its own legs? Tune in next time to find out!
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