Hey everyone, hope you're having a good day and staying safe out there. It feels like the whole world is ending. If you read this in the future, the Russian invasion of Ukraine is taking place right now. The ideas of WWIII loom on the horizon. Hopefully, I can take your mind off the world falling apart, and maybe laugh once or twice. Let's talk about the first Troll 3, Quest of the Mighty Sword.
Before we jump into the film, let's take a very quick look at the Ator film series. Now, I am not watching the other three films at this time, nor do I know if I'm ever going to. This is just what I was able to gather from the limited information available online. Okay, so, Joe D'Amato was a producer on Troll 2. He also produced and directed the first two Ator movies. 1982's Ator, the Fighting Eagle, and the sequel, The Blade Master, in 1984. Both movies starred Miles O'Keeffe as the titular Ator. The movies were intended as knockoffs of the Conan the Barbarian series and, since there was no third Conan movie, D'Amato decided not to make a third Ator movie. Well, there was a third Ator movie, Iron Warrior, which came out in 1987. O'Keeffe reprises his role as Ator, however, this one was directed by Alfonso Brescia and ignored the first two Ator movies. Ator in this one has a reworked back story, black hair instead of blonde, and barely speaks a word of dialogue through the whole film. D'Amato was so upset about it, that he retook control of the series in 1988 and made a new Ator movie in 1990. This new movie was intended as a loose reboot of the franchise ("franchise" lol). The fourth Ator film was called Quest for the Mighty Sword. It's also known as Ator III: The Hobgoblin (showing D'Amato decided to completely ignore Iron Warrior), Ator IV: The Hobgoblin, The Hobgoblin, and of course... Troll 3...
What connections does it have to Troll 2? Not many. This is a fantasy sword and sandal movie rather than a horror movie. No one is turned into a plant. But it shares the same producer and, for whatever ungodly reason, they reuse some of the goblin masks from Troll 2.
As for the cast of Mighty Sword, there isn't much information on them. Miles O'Keeffe did not return as Ator, instead, he was replaced by Eric Allan Kramer. Kramer has had a really good run in TV and movies. This was his first "film" but he started acting in 1987. Various roles you might know him from including Thor in The Incredible Hulk Returns, Little John in Robin Hood: Men in Tights, Boris in True Romance, Bear in American Wedding, and not one but two starring roles on a sitcom (Dave Rogers in The Hugleys and Bob Duncan on Good Luck Charlie). Honestly, that's a pretty good career.
Also in the movie are Marisa Mell, Laura Gemser, and Donald O'Brien. They were all pretty active in European genre films in the 60s-80s. A lot of westerns, war films, sexploitation films, horror films, etc. All of them petered out in the early 90s, this being one of the last movies for them. Two things I want to point out is that Mell was also in one of my favorite Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes, Secret Agent Super Dragon (1966), some people reading this will know what I'm talking about. I'll explain more, someday, when I review that movie. Also, Gemser was sometimes a costume designer... and she was a designer on Troll 2... it all reverts back to Troll 2! And now, onto the movie...
Before I started this movie, I was afraid I'd be bored and not have much to talk about. I should have known better. We begin things with a woman, dressed as an amazon, running through a swamp. She has an interesting outfit, like a low-budget Wonder Woman. She wears a chest armor outfit, but one breast is missing, and she has a chainmail undershirt on? Weird. We then see a throne room, where Ator is sitting on his throne, watching as people are beheaded. There's a lot to take in from this one scene. First, there are lizard people lined up on both sides of the room. They are wearing white cloaks on one side, and on the other side, black cloaks. Some soldiers are dressed as Romans and others as samurai. That's a recurring thing in this movie. See, in Conan, it's not supposed to look like the ancient history of one particular area. So while everything looks old-world ancient, it doesn't look familiar. This movie kind of has this approach, but I think they just grabbed whatever costumes they could find in storage. As the basket of severed heads fills, we see that Ator has brought along his disgusted wife and infant son to watch. The son is also called Ator, and that's not going to be confusing at all. In between the beheadings, we see the amazon girl, running through the fields as fast as she can. Eventually, the beheadings stop and Ator has to fight two prisoners, one at a time while wielding the Blade of the Sacred Graal. This fancy sword was given to him by the god Thorn. Ator makes quick work of the two criminals, but he is decidedly out of breath. He explains to his infant son that Ator must always have the Blade of the Sacred Graal, and that he has seen a vision of today as the day of his death, and blah blah. Yeah cuz your one-year-old son is going to remember all this. Just then, speak of the devil! Thorn has returned to reclaim his sword. Just then, the running girl runs up and begs Thorn not to kill Ator, because Ator is a good and just ruler. Thorn tells her "you'll pay for this" and hucks a spear at Ator, impaling him AND breaking the sword. Hold on. Why did no one try to protect Ator? He has several guards. It wasn't like the spear throw was quick, between Thorn getting ready, getting distracted by running girl, and then getting ready again and throwing it... that's like 30-45 seconds. Why did no one help? Did they hate Ator? We don't know!
Next, we have the running amazon woman being brought to justice by her people. They bind her to the wall and set a circle of flame around her, telling her that she is imprisoned by magic until a hero comes to save her, at which point she will be turned mortal. Huh?
We then cut to Ator standing beside a lake as all this is being explained to him. They don't tell you this right away, but this is Ator's son, all grown up. But at first, it's really confusing, because it's the same actor and has the same character name, you think it's the same Ator as before. Ugh. We are now treated to another flashback, as baby Ator and his mom make their way to the cave of Grindl. Yes, Grindl. Spelled differently than Beowolf's Grendel, but still... This Grindl is a sorcerer/blacksmith who is a troll/goblin/hobgoblin/gnome/whatever. He wears one of the dumb masks from Troll 2, that's all you need to know. Ator's mom comes in and is taken aback because the mask looks so fake. I mean because Grindl is ugly. And it offends him, and rightly so. She tells him that he must raise Ator as his own and reforge the broken Blade of the Sacred Graal. Grindl, logically, asks why he should do such a thing. She tells him it's because of destiny and blah blah. Grindl then asks why he should raise the child as his own when there has been no "act of conception." Eww. Ator's mom then asks for another favor, a potion that will kill her. Because the law of the land says that women are useless and blah blah blah. Grindl wants the sex, but if he can't have that, he tells her he'll take it from her. But killing her is just as good. Boy, Grindl has some issues. So he makes a potion to give to her and, also, why is Ator's mom killing herself and leaving him an orphan? Oh and, in my research for this film... they don't make it explicit in this movie, but apparently, this is supposed to be a character from the first Ator movie who was... Ator's sister. So Ator married his sister and they had a kid named Ator and his mom is also his aunt. Sadly, he does not seem to be also his own grandfather. But don't worry, it gets worse. Grindl didn't give her a death potion but instead a HORNY POTION. She goes and starts making out with Grindl and I am not convinced that there is no god, because no god would allow the filming of a woman making out with someone in a shitty mask from Troll 2. And there isn't even any nudity in this sex scene, so it's not only sickening and wrong but also boring. For her transgressions of being raped by Grindl, Ator's aunt/mom is sentenced by the gods to wander the earth and screw whoever she can. What the serious hell am I watching.
Image by Filmirage via ZeroStarCinema
Cut back to the present, where we find Ator being told all this by some goddess or something or other. She reminds Ator that he is nearing 18 and will get his daddy's sword soon. Wait, nearing 18? The actor was 27 at the time and, if anything, looks older than that. "Almost 18" give me a break. So he goes back to the Grindl gave with a bag of whatever. Dead animals I think? Grindl talks to him like he's garbage. But then he gives him his sword! He wanted to fulfill his promise early. Ator takes it and immediately tries to cleve Grindl in half... but the sword just breaks! It was fake and Grindl laughed. He then gives him a lecture about you can't trust mankind and says "I know what to expect when you turn 18." Oh, I should mention here that the set for Grindl cave looks identical to Ator's throne room. Not the decor and decoration, but the layout of the room. Don't worry, it gets used again. His decoration is baller though, compared to the rest of the sets. He has a Dimetrodon, spraypainted white. Yeah, Grindl has a freakin dinosaur in his cave! How baller is that?
Image via Wiki Commons
Ator is back by the lake again. All the exteriors of this movie are in a gross-looking swamp. There was no cool location scouting like in Troll 2. He sees the amazon girl from earlier, running through the swamp, and he instantly falls in love with her. I guess Ator is turned on by women who can run. But it's all just a vision from the goddess/whatever from earlier. She tells Ator that he must get his sword, free the girl, and then liberate his kingdom. He goes back to the cave, pretends to sleep, and Grindl moves a stone and pulls out the Reforged Sword That Was Broken! He leaves it there and Ator sneaks and grabs it. He goes to strike down Grindl with it and... the sword breaks again! Grindl just stands three and laughs. "I'LL KILL YOU!" Ator shouts at Grindl, only for Grindl to throw some sorcerer liquid into Ator's eyes, blinding him. Grindl leaves, laughing, telling Ator that he'll restore his sight later. Ator stumbles around the cave until he splashes his face into some water of some sort, restoring his sight! He had knocked down a mirror and he sees something in the mirror's reflection. He moves a bolder and, among the cobwebs, finds his broken sword! How he saw it behind the bolder, we don't know. So now he takes to blacksmithing it. Now, I'm willing to concede that he had obviously watched Grindl do a lot of blacksmithing. So even if he had never done it himself, he'd understand the basics. But he reforges the sword perfectly, which is amazing for your first time. Also, does this mean that anyone could have done it? Why leave Ator and the sword with Grindl? There must have been at least one blacksmith in the kingdom who wouldn't have raped Ator's mom, why not leave her son and the sword with that guy? But whatever. Grindl returns and Ator confronts him. Grindl laughs again, thinking it's one of his fakes. How many did he make? But it's the real deal this time, and Ator cuts him in half! The movie is almost exactly 30 minutes over now, with a 92-minute runtime, making this first of three acts pretty well times. Ator laves up his leather armor that I guess he always had and leaves, running full speed through the swamp to his next quest.
Ator keeps running, full speed, through the swamp to the next quest marker. It's a cave that looks remarkably like Grindl's lair and Ator's throne room. Only this one is covered in human skeletons instead of a dinosaur. Ator has to defeat the guards of this place so he can free the treasure so he can free the girl. The guard is, and I'm not making this up, a pair of robots attached like Siamese twins. One side wields a sword and the other a shield. Well, Ator can't fight them both off, so he ducks into a passage, and... the god damn robot gets stuck in the doorway. It keeps walking forward but can't get through. You know how you can sometimes cheat in a video game, by getting a powerful enemy stuck in a doorway? That's what happens here. Ator sneaks up behind it and cleaves it in half with his sword. Wow. All these people this thing killed, and Ator accidentally outsmarts it in the dumbest kind of way. People in old times were stupid. Oh yes, and this is a robot, because SPARKS FLY when he cuts it in half, and when one of the goddamn heads falls to the ground, all the wires are just visible. WHY IS THERE A ROBOT IN A CONAN THE BARBARIAN RIPOFF MOVIE. But wait, we aren't done. There is another enemy! A kaiju reject comes out from behind a rock. Yes, a person in a slime-covered rubber Godzilla-like suit, that breaths fire. Ator has a look on his face of "Oh no, there's more?" The same look that I had. He dispatches it. Moves onto the treasure room, full of gold, and screams at the top of his lungs how he gives it as an offering to the gods. He then explores the dungeon further, finding a floor trap puzzle that shoots spears from the wall, which is not at all ripped off from Raiders of the Lost Ark. As he explores, he finds the running amazon woman, asleep on a bed. What happened to her being chained to a pillar and the fire? Ator does the sleeping beauty style kiss to her, she wakes up, and falls in love with him, immediately recognizing Ator as the Son of Ator. Because they're the same actor, it's easy. She is now mortal and no longer a god, which Ator reminds her of while he has the biggest grin on his face. They go to leave the dungeon, but just then, the cave starts to collapse. We are treated to stock footage of volcanos erupting, an Egyptian statue falling down, and Greek or Roman columns collapsing. Where were all these things? But they escape and run at full speed to their next destination.
From there, we find our hero and heroine in the Mos Eisley Cantina, or at least a place trying to rip it off. People are drinking and gambling. Ator saves a dude from getting killed by some gamblers. Ator's mom is there, trying to get laid. Later, while amazon girl and Ator are outside, Mom comes to visit. She tells Ator that she's been cursed by the gods into wandering and screwing until someone looks upon her as a mother. Ator realizes who it is, looks at her, and she dies. Thanks! They give her a pyre funeral, like Darth Vader at the end of Return of the Jedi. Then they get attacked by some things (creatures or whatnot) and the gambler joins them. He has a boomerang. They all sit by a fire and eat uncooked meat. The gambler asks where they are going. The amazon girl stumbles over her lines with something like "Back... to, uhh, find the path back... mmm... to the middle world."
The movie is 2/3 over and we segue into the last act. Amazon girl gets captured by some soldiers who take her to a castle. This castle is probably the most interesting location in the film, with the outdoor parts clearly being filmed at some kind of actual castle or fortress. Inside, however, most of the sets are in the same set as most of the rest of the movie... The king of the castle is this creepy guy with sores all over his face who covers people in plaster and calls it "art." His assistant is another gnome thing in a Troll 2 mask, ugh. He has captured the amazon girl because she is beautiful and he wants her to be his queen. There is also another witch-woman person there who wants to bone Ator. She saw him at the cantina and began lusting for him. So Ator and boomerang boy infiltrate the castle, only to get captured. The dude with the sores tells Ator he knows all about his exploits. How? He's only done like 2 things, over a couple of days at most. He then explains that the whole kidnapping thing was all a misunderstanding, and he lets them go with the amazon girl. However, the amazon girl is acting... strangely. Turns out she's the witch in disguise! Amazon girl is still left behind in the castle! The king with the sores offers her the throne, she laughs, so he conspires to cover her in plaster as well.
The next morning, the witch posing as the amazon girl tells Ator the truth, but she had him "for one night, mind, body, and soul." She reverts to her true form and walks away. Ator was going to kill her, but boomerang boy stops him. Why? Who knows. Anyway. They re-storm the castle. In the throne room, two guards show up, swinging their swords at the two heroes. Suddenly, a mini crossbow launcher appears out of thin air on Ator's fist, and he shoots them both in the neck. This is literally the only moment in the whole movie we see that. But as they run past, OH NO! Boomerang boy gets stabbed by a dying guard. He gives Ator his boomerang, his last words being "Here, you might need this." Ator shows up in the plaster room and throws the boomerang into the gears that are lowering the amazon girl into the boiling plaster.
Ator then fights off like four guys at once. The boomerang proves only a minor inconvenience, as the king of sores removes it. Only when Ator is done killing does he confront the king. Kingy decides to immortalize his own life, so he grabs the troll and jumps into the boiling plaster. And before you go "What did the troll do to deserve that?" He was pretty much the Wormtongue to the sore king's Théoden of Rohan. So Ator and the amazon girl smile at each other and giggle, flirtingly. She's still tied up. He lets her down and run at full speed out of the castle. The shapeshifting witch is also there, and looks on, longing for Ator's loins again. Then we see another person wearing a Troll 2 mask pop on screen, laughing, and I think that's supposed to be Thorn. But that's the end of the movie! It ends without Ator getting revenge on Thorn, and there was no sequel, so yeah... this is the end of the Ator Saga.
Quest for the Mighty Sword was released straight-to-video in the US on August 29, 1990. It has no box office information, obviously, but I can't find a budget for it either. I see "$3500" being thrown around in some viewer reviews, but I can't find an official source for that. And I don't believe this movie was THAT cheap. It's cheap, sure, but there is a cast and crew and costumes and sets. It's all cheap and recycled, but there is still some cost. I can easily believe $35000 or even $15000. But $3500? Unlikely. Unless someone can show me an official source, I'm gonna believe the budget was higher.
The movie plot has a lot of similarities with, of all things, a Richard Wagner opera called Twilight of the Gods. Braineater.com has an article on the movie and it goes into a lot more detail on the Wagner connections. I'm not going to copy his work, I'll just let you read it here if you're interested.
There isn't much else to talk about, honestly. This was the last Ator movie. We never get a resolution with Ator and the god who killed his father. D'Amato went on to direct the OTHER Troll 3 and movies with titles like Homo Erectus, Gipsy Seduction, and Sexy Pirates. He directed probably around 100 movies in the 90s alone, and dozens more in the decades prior. They all look like low-budget schlock, a lot of it seeming to be soft-core porn. He died of a heart attack in 1999, his last film being Showgirls, a rip of the more famous Showgirls directed by Paul Verhoeven in 1995. Ator's actor, Eric Allan Kramer, had a career after this, which I mentioned earlier. You know, he's not good in this movie, but one of the few who both didn't flub a line AND put actual emotion into his role. It's an early role, I excuse it.
Honestly, I enjoyed this movie more than I thought I would. For the budget they had, they did a passable job on this. And I liked the music for this as well. It's horrendously out-of-place for this film, but it's got a fun 80s synth score. That said, this is a bad movie. The acting is universally bad. Set designs are kinda dull. Costumes are random. Recycling masks from Troll 2 is a big minus. And including a rape scene with the aforementioned masks involved lowers the score more. If anything, that part just reaffirms my belief in the non-existence of God.
So that's just my thoughts on Troll 3 aka Quest for the Mighty Sword. Have you seen it? If not, stream it. You can find out where it's available on JustWatch.
So this is where I usually include the trailer, so you can get an idea of what the movie is like, but I honestly couldn't find one online. But I DID find a clip of Ator fighting the Siamese twin robot, so you have that to look forward to if you want to watch.
Next time, I'm going to take a quick break from the Troll series, before I go totally nuts. So we're going to do a well-made, popular, funny movie. 1995's Clueless! We'll get back to Troll shortly, I just need a quick break. Anyway, stay safe out there, home skillets, and don't eat any glowing green food.
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