Hudson Hawk (1991)

Image by Sony/TriStar Pictures via IMDB

Hello there friends! Welcome back to my 90s Cinema Blog! I have to say, I'm a little proud of myself. I've tried to do other blogs in the past, but never gone more than a couple of posts. It really, really helps to have a specific topic and a goal in mind.

Today, we look at a movie that I do remember from my youth, the infamous Hudson Hawk. Released on May 4, 1991, and I remember hearing that this was a terrible movie. I know an Aunt of mine went and saw it and she HATED it. Over the years, I would hear it referenced as one of the worst movies of all time, especially the 90s. So, ya know, it pops up on streaming aervice Vudu and I have to watch it. Maybe it'll be good?

For some reason, I thought this movie was about a dude and his car. I think that's because I was taking Hudson Hawk and thinking of Hudson Hornet, as well as confusing it with Tucker: A Man and His Dreams.

But here's what the movie is really about: Bruce Willis plays a singing-and-dancing cat burglar who gets wrapped up in an international conspiracy (involving corporations, the CIA, and the catholic church) to steal Leonardo Da Vinci's alchemy machine. Um, what? How is this famously a flop! How can it be bad? Well. Read on...

Some might even say this movie is pretty... Fly... Get it? Because "fly" was a slang term at the time. And they're flying.

Image by Sony/TriStar Pictures via IMDB

Now I'm going to pause for a moment and say that this is one of those movies that just was not for me, but is for someone else. I've been trying to get my friend Robert to watch this movie since I saw it, because it's right up his alley. Let me just say this, and it's going to sound condescending, but I promise it's not. If all you need is absurd situations and a ridiculous plot and jokes, but you don't care about structure or pacing or story, this is the movie for you.

For example. The opening scene is set in 1400s Italy, showing Di Vinci invent various things. It's all in Italian with no subtitles. And it goes on for about 10 minutes. "Hold on there," you, a very specific person, might be saying. "I heard you liked that Deadpool comic that Marvel released that was only in Spanish." Yes I did. That was funny. And it was only like 20 pages of actual comic. If it was a whole graphic novel, it would stop being funny. The opening scene of this movie is about five minutes too long and stops being funny after a while. But what do I know. I saw Too Many Cooks once, thought it was 10 minutes too long, and will never voluntarily watch it again.

Bottom line, I think this movie is too much. It's overloaded with every scene and every line of dialogue needing to be a joke. Not just funny, but a joke. You'll get a setup line, then the punchline, then a second punchline, then a third, them a fourth, and then you just want to scream "shut up!" at the screen.

"Hahahahaha." "Hahahahaha." "Hahahahaha." Shut up, your movie isn't THAT funny

Image by Sony/TriStar Pictures via IMDB

The movie is a prime example of why you need an editor to trim your script and shots. Also, why you need a straight man to play off the absurd humor going around them. And some kind of structure, so that I actually give a crap about what's going on.

But again, that's just me. There are people who will find this movie hilarious and watch it 50 million times. And good for you! Some movies are universally good or bad and some are made for specific eyes.

Now, I didn't think it was ALL bad. The individual performances were pretty solid. Willis plays his part with glee and it's a delight to see him and Danny Aiello (who, sadly, I just found out passed away last month) literally sing and dance to "Swinging on a Star" while performing a heist. Sandra Bernhard is always a joy to behold, especially when she's lip singing to "The Power!" Andie MacDowell, James Coburn, and Richard Grant are all also great. Frank Stallone has a funny small role as one of The Mario Brothers (sadly not actually Mario and Luigi).

RIP Danny

Image by Sony/TriStar Pictures via IMDB

The cinematography is also pretty good, being handled by one of the greats, Dante Spinotti. The guy would go on to do Last of the Mohicans, Heat, and LA Confidential. Michael Lehmann, director of the far superior films Heathers and Airheads, is the one responsible for directing this mess/masterpiece. 

Not much interesting in the behind-the-scenes with this one, as compared to the last two movies I reviewed, Addams Family and Nothing But Trouble. This was a passion project for Willis, as he had the idea for this character way back before he ever broke big. There were tons of rewrites during shooting, basically every day, which explains the chaotic pacing of this movie. There's a kind of interesting series of videos which feature Willis and his friend, Robert Kraft, talking about their lifelong friendship and the making of this movie. Watch them below.

For those nerds out there, there was also a video game released for the Nintendo Entertainment System. Though from what I can tell, it doesn't look very good.

Willis is so cool in this, he has like... four earrings!

Image by Sony/TriStar Pictures via IMDB

Hudson Hawk bombed at the box office, bringing in $17 million, not even a third of its $65 million budget. It was paned by critics and audiences at the time which, surprisingly, I think it a bit unfair. One reason for this is the marketing. Willis had done the second Die Hard movie the year before, which was a massive hit. And Hudson Hawk was billed as an ACTION movie, not a comedy, which is 100% what this movie is. The tagline was "Catch the Excitement, Catch the Adventure, Catch the Hawk." Plus, the world wasn't ready, yet, for a singing-and-dancing Bruce Willis. Audiences, expecting another Willis action movie like Die Hard, were shocked and disappointed to find instead a cheesy, slapstick, cartoon style comedy. Which is an unfair criticism, but that's why it's important to market your movie correctly.  That said, had this movie been released a few years later, I think it would have fared better.

Final Verdict:

At the end of the day, I just didn't care for Hudson Hawk. It's too much for me. Too crazy, too absurd, too nonsensical. But there are some fine moments and solid acting. It just isn't my cup of tea, overall.

If what I've said about this movie appeals to you in any way, I highly encourage you to watch it. You'll probably enjoy it far more than me. You can visit Just Watch for streaming and digital purchase options.

Accurate

Image by Sony/TriStar Pictures via IMDB

So, I mentioned in a previous post that this movie was connected to Nothing But Trouble. How? Well... I admit it's a loose connection. But Hudson Hawk wasn't Willis' only flop from around this time. No, not at all. There was another one, one far less redeemable than the Hawk. It was the movie that Warner Bros ignored Nothing But Trouble to make. I'm talking about the next movie I'm reviewing. It all reverts back to 1990's disaster: Bonfire of the Vanities. Look for it Wednesday!